Father’s Day Sucks – Guest Post

By Leanne Whaley, guest blogger

So, yesterday was father’s day.  I watched all day long as people thanked their dads time and time again.  Some had more than one dad to thank, and some even had a few dads, family friends, an uncle and a few mentors along the way too!  I thanked my mom.

What I hate about father’s day, is that it reminds me of all the men that were brought in my life that absolutely rejected me as a daughter; and flat out did NOT want to be my dad.  They just refused not only the job, but me.

Every time father’s day comes around, I’m reminded of how unwanted I was as a kid.  I’m reminded of pain, of favoritism, of abuse; sexually, and physically.  The emotional torture that a “dad” can inflict on a daughter lasts a lifetime.  I hate that my mom tried over and over again; because every time she tried, I was only rejected again and hurt deeper.  I hate that I too believed, over and over again, right along with her, and trusted, and opened my heart, time and time again, that this one may be different than the last one or two.  I hate that they never were.  I hated how my mom was so stoic about it all, demanding that we were stronger than anyone else and we’d just get through it.  She assumed that if she didn’t show pain, that we wouldn’t feel pain.   Of course, I didn’t know that’s what she was doing until I had kids of my own, and I’d be sad, or upset, and she’d tell me, “Don’t upset your kids! Don’t let them see you crying! Don’t let them see you mad!”  In other words, never show emotion around your children.  Something I whole heartedly disagree with.

Read the rest of Leanne’s post on her blog, Leanne Whaley

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4 thoughts on “Father’s Day Sucks – Guest Post

  1. I can relate to this topic. We are breaking the cycle when we are honest about our emotions with our children and allow/teach them to express themselves too.

  2. Oh, my heart goes out to you Leanne! I so struggle in my relationship with my Dad. He tries so hard, yet I never quite feel good enough. This year, we did not celebrate Father’s Day and yet on Mother’s Day, my Dad delivered a box of chocolate to me. But what I really need from him is a listening ear, a “way to go”–we all need that. Way to go for sharing and blessing me today for helping me realize I am not alone–bless you Leanne.

  3. Hi Leann – I’ve recently gotten into an incest survivor group through the Wings Foundation – in Loveland, Colorado.  My name is Pati.  I actually made a comment on two of your posts but I’m new at this, and I’m not sure they went through.  Anyway, your story is very compelling.  And eerily similar to mine.  However, I’m 63 and I gather you are in your 40’s.  Another interesting thing about your story is that I just may know your Mom.  I went to Diamond High in Anchorage in 1966 and 1967.  We were the first graduating class for the new high school.   There are so many similarities to our stories.  I am very impressed with your ability to speak your truth and continue searching for peace and harmony – I have been on my recover path for decades, but most recently the last three 1/2 years.  I was happy to read that you have reconcilled with your Mom and that she is working on her stuff.   I have been sober for six years.  I spent a long long time in a hell created and controlled by many someone elses – even into my 50’s and then when I hit 60, all hell broke loose in my life.  I KNOW how you feel, and I KNOW how your Mom feels.  No one else can.  We are like combate PTSD vets – only our war was even worse, and in some cases, much longer.  So who else can relate to us in any way, but another who has had the same experience.   It would be awesome to communicate with you and your Mom – this kind of comeback from hell needs lots of support, kindness and honesty.  I had very little of any of that in my quest, but I came out of the fog anyway.  I had many people tell me many horrible things about me and my attempt to continue to grow (including my children) – but I said NO – and I have been getting better and better.  Stronger and Stronger and by taking back my power from all who were misusing it in my life, instead of just being a survivor of incest, I am now a thriver instead.  I have home schooled myself the last 3 1/2 years in every kind of self-help, abnormal psych, goddess stories, women’s stories, women’s history, feminisim – you name it – books – I finally reached my own wall, and that is why I  sought out more therapy through group support.  My first meeting is next Wednesday and I’m very excited.   You are a very good writer.  Telling your stories keep my mezmerized!  Namaste – Pati

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