Does Co-Independence Exist?

By Karen Jefferson

Is there such a thing as co-independence?

I think I would like that.

I think it would be good if two people can come together as a couple and be independent as well as interdependent. My image of being co-independent is that we would each claim our own emotions and communicate our own thoughts and feelings without transference, projection, or assumption. We will pursue our individual interests and meet our common desires. We will stretch and grow separately and together, becoming more interesting to one another. More well-rounded.

When we have been hurt, the instinct is to protect ourselves. By creating good boundaries and a strong sense of self, we can create strong relationships that will nurture us. We can create an environment where we like being with people and people like being with us. When we venture outside our protective bubble, we are indeed vulnerable to being hurt. However, without that vulnerability, we will never let anyone truly know who we are in the world.

Co-independent people realize that not all their needs can be met by a single person. It does not matter if that person is their lover, parent, sibling, child, or friend. It means they also realize that their needs will not be met if they keep themselves in isolation.

Find your safe boundaries. Venture out to explore the edges. Find the perfect spot to share YOU with the safe people in the world. Become co-independent and see what the world brings to your life.


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